Man Of A Certain Age

Man of a certain age. According to the Oxford English Dictionary this term describes a person who is no longer young, yet not quite old. An in-between time of life, if you will.

The term has been around for over 300 years. The first known use of the expression in the English language was 1709. At the time this term was used in a positive way to describe mature men who had gained a certain amount of dignity and respect.

Today the term is used as a humorous way to describe men that are beginning to lose their youthful qualities. The hairline has moved back, if not completely disappeared. Those 6 pack abs have morphed into a Buda belly. If your eyesight was 20/20, you now have readers stashed in several tactical locations. Simple tasks liking sitting and standing require a groan. I can take that insight one step further. Bending over to put on and tie shoelaces has become an effort. I need a grab bar every 3 feet in the bathroom. Getting up off the ground without having something to pull myself up is nearly impossible.

I find that the older I get the more obsessed I am with turning lights off and locking doors. Saving money and staying safe has become a priority.

My text messages are written in full sentences, mostly because I do not know what most text abbreviations are. But also because written communication is difficult in the first place, communicating primarily with abbreviations and emoji’s does not advance the effort. If you don’t agree you can STFU. If you like it, you may be of a certain age and ROFL. I think LOL stands for Little Old Ladies.

We can have a party and not need to apologize to the neighbors for making too much noise. Why? Because they probably didn’t even notice that we were having a party.

People of a certain age tend to use the word ‘the’ inappropriately. Like The Google, The FaceBook.

Elevator music is sing along music for me, and I do not care what you think about me while I’m singing in the elevator.

I frequently enter a room not knowing why I went there or shoot past the room I’m planning to go to, then forget what I was after in the first place.

Anyone under the age of 40 is a kid to me.

When did all of this happen?!

I was once a young man, now I’m a man of a certain age. Soon enough I will be an old man. The question is how does one know when they are officially old and no longer a person of a certain age? I missed the sign indicating my metamorphosis from a young man to a man of a certain age.

Missing the signs for my next stage of life should not happen. As a man of a certain age, everything I know in life, I’ve learned from TV shows and movies. Here’s how I will know when I’m officially an old man.

Jack Nicholson’s character in The Bucket List states it best. “Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.”

So, there you have it. That’s when I will know. Thankfully 2 of those 3 bits of advice are rarely on my mind. Proof that I’m not old yet, thank goodness.